Starting A New Journey!

Started a new journey 2 days ago.
I decided to change my life!
I joined Curves and I am 2 days in and I'm liking it so far. I know that there are going to be days when I just don't want to go and that I just don't feel up to it.
Its hard to fight the urge to just be able to eat whatever I want to when I want to but I know that I have to do something about my weight now so that I can be in my kids lives later!

The hardest part for me so far was when I walked into the Curves and I saw the scale. I am a overweight woman... I know what I weight approximately and I knew right away that the scale would not weight me. I was embarrassed and fearful all at the same time. I was overcome with so many different emotions. I didn't know what to think or even say to the lady at the counter.

I am grateful that I was among people that have been through what I have or have dealt with many of the issues that I have. So far things have gone good. I am praying that by next JULY that I will have lost at 50-75 pounds and will be able to comfortably walk around the cruise ship that my daughters National Dance Competition will be on. I am excited, but I still do not want to get my hopes up!

Hard to Admit!

Wow! I guess that I never realized how some things from my past have hurt me so much. I try hard not to show it and I try to keep it all bottled up inside, but sometimes things need to come out and be said or referenced to. I will never understand how my so called parents went through life thinking that they could treat their children the way that they did and my dad still does. I will never understand why or how someone could have children and mistreat them the way that they do. I have learned to deal with it and move on, but honestly today I have been in a mood thinking about all the things that I missed out on or the fact that I had to grow up a lot faster than most children do.
I was always told that I was no good and that I would never amount to anything... after a while when your young you start to believe what you are being told. I will never have a good relationship with my dad, my mom has passed away and I will never have that closure that I really needed in life. I will never have a good relationship with my one and only sister because we have both been so mistreated and abused that we can not get over the hurt and pain that comes along with it all. I have tried time and time again to reach out and make an effort. I don't know how she feels and she doesn't understand how I feel either. It doesn't matter how long we talk about it or what is said it never gets through either one of us. All I can do is pray and hope that whatever the outcome that I will be OK in the end. I can no longer look at it as it being my fault. I can no longer blame myself and I can no longer take the abuse from others.
I love my sister and my dad... they are my family. I am stuck with them regardless. I will forever LOVE them and need them in my life, but I have to take care of me and mine!
I don't know what to do anymore!

Busy Weekend Again!

I have got a busy busy evening tonight!
Football practice and then heading to Academy to get my sons cleats for football...
Then I have to go to Walmart or to Kmart and make sure that I get gifts for 2 different children for birthday parties that we have after Andrew's football game in the morning. Tomorrow is just as busy and I am probably going to be worn out by the time I get to the second birthday party, but at least I am getting out of the house! lol

I have had a rough couple of days filled with crap that could have been disregarded had I just not listened to it because it never resolved anything anyway!
Oh well Life Goes On!!

I'm ready for my schedule to be busy and I'm ready to get in there and make it all happen. My hubby has to work tomorrow but that's what I like about the fact that I can be independent when I need to be.
I'm glad too cause I get to take my friend and her daughter with me to the b-day party and I get to hang out with the people I love the most! All in all its going to be a great day and weekend!

Hope everyone has a great weekend as well!

But if any man provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. 1 timothy 5:8

It Is What It Is.

No matter how much I try and no matter what I do... I can not and will never be able to please everyone!
I am not perfect and never will be... No one is!
All I can do is make sure that I do what is right by me and by my kids.
All I plan on doing for the rest of my time here is to make sure that I take care of me and mine.

I choose to have JOY and PEACE in my life from here on out.

I tell the truth and no matter what anyone thinks it doesn't do me any good. I cant please everyone and I refuse to suffer for it.
They can believe what they want to believe; I can not and will not dwell on things of the past because I learned the hard way that it gets you NO WHERE!
I have made peace with things in my life and I will not let anything or anyone bring me down.
I am moving on and if anyone wants to be a part of my life they will make the effort that it takes to do so.

I love all my fellow blog readers and I love the reads that I have everyday.
Bless you all and Have a fabulous day!

Saying Goodbye Is Never Easy!

It's never easy to say goodbye to someone... Its never easy to have to let someone go.
I know that I am in pain when I have to do these things, but I know that there are reasons unknown that we have to go through these things in life.
Sadly we lost a special person yesterday due to an accident that never should have happened.

He was one of the nicer people that made the effort to get to know you when you met him and he was a really sweet guy. A great father and a great man all around.
You will be greatly missed Johnny!
Rest In Peace!

Busy Weekend!

Both my babies are active in their own activities and I am thankful that they are into their own things.
We are going to be very busy this weekend.
Serenity will be performing with the high school top-cats team during the high school football game tomorrow night... and then Saturday morning will be Andrew's first official football game with the Sharks team that he is on.
We are excited to start the football season and to watch our son play. I am also grateful for such good friends (more like family) that come and watch him play when they don't have to.
Its going to be a crazy weekend and I can't wait to get it started!!