Drama Drama Drama...
Yeah where do I begin?
Sometimes I sit and think about what it would be like to have the picture perfect family and then the DEVIL comes along and smacks me in the face... wake up...! Where did I go wrong is what comes to me.
Believe me I wouldnt trade the last eight years of my life; but the people in them maybe. I can tell you that I have struggled for many a year trying to keep my mouth shut and hide behind a falseness that I cant hide behind any longer. My actions and the tears that I have cried have drowned me in a puddle of doubtness for the last time.
No longer will I hide my tears and my anger; no longer will I be pushed against the wall wondering why I let it go that far. I am through with your bitterness and your jealousy thinking that you are better than everyone around you.
You dont rule my life! Who are you to judge the life that we made? The life that you try to destroy daily. Who are you to try and tell me how to raise my kids and what I should be doing? Why do I let what you say get under my skin and in my head? I dont NEED you at all in my life and My kids dont need the constant bickering that comes with knowing you and seeing you.
My life is hard at times and I know that things will never be perfect; but without you here to bother and try to seperate what God has brought together as one I will be better off than I have ever been before.
Where did you go wrong? Why did you say that you Love me in so many ways and thank me for the things that I have done and then a few hours later you are telling me that you hate me and that you will do anything in your power to destroy what took years to build. The threats that you made and the things that you said may have gotten to me then but I am done letting you say things and taking them to heart. Where do you get off?
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Trying to find the Lord's will for my Life...
I have failed the Lord through many situations and decisions in my life, but I am determined to fight through it until I truly find the Lord's will.
Although these times are hard , I still serve a mighty God. Sometimes my faith runs low when I think of something wonderful that I lost, but I will always have something so much more amazing...The love of God in my heart, revealed through my life. I love the Lord, and I am very thankful that He was and is merciful enough to look down to this earth spotting such a lost individual, yet He just reached out and picked me up, throwing my past and my sins into the sea of forgetfulness, cleansing me to make a willing and able vessel for Christ. I pray that the Lord will use me to reach out to such a lost soul as mine once was. I love the Lord, and I love His works. and I love His encouragement....... The gates of hell will NOT prevail!!!!!!
Although these times are hard , I still serve a mighty God. Sometimes my faith runs low when I think of something wonderful that I lost, but I will always have something so much more amazing...The love of God in my heart, revealed through my life. I love the Lord, and I am very thankful that He was and is merciful enough to look down to this earth spotting such a lost individual, yet He just reached out and picked me up, throwing my past and my sins into the sea of forgetfulness, cleansing me to make a willing and able vessel for Christ. I pray that the Lord will use me to reach out to such a lost soul as mine once was. I love the Lord, and I love His works. and I love His encouragement....... The gates of hell will NOT prevail!!!!!!
I wanna be addicted to Christ...!
Most of the people who read this know me and know that I have not been in church. I dont want anyone's sympothy.
I came to know God about 8 years ago and I have had sturggles since then. I feel more like a lukewarm Christian or a sideline Christian. I know that I need to get back and that I need to start a new found relationship with Him. It starts today!He loves us!
We are His fortune and He is our prize!
I have turned my back on God and and I know how much it hurts him that I am not there with Him when I struggle. I have always had a struggle with anger and I know now that I can be restored by His Love and Grace.Each one of us has a testimony in Christ that we need to live by. I know that its not going to be easy and that I may struggle, but I give it all to Christ.
I came to know God about 8 years ago and I have had sturggles since then. I feel more like a lukewarm Christian or a sideline Christian. I know that I need to get back and that I need to start a new found relationship with Him. It starts today!He loves us!
We are His fortune and He is our prize!
I have turned my back on God and and I know how much it hurts him that I am not there with Him when I struggle. I have always had a struggle with anger and I know now that I can be restored by His Love and Grace.Each one of us has a testimony in Christ that we need to live by. I know that its not going to be easy and that I may struggle, but I give it all to Christ.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Daddy's Empty Chair
DADDY'S EMPTY CHAIR
A man's daughter had asked the local minister to come and pray with her father. When the minister arrived, he found the man lying in bed with his head propped up on two pillows.
An empty chair sat beside his bed.
The minister assumed that the old fellow had been informed of his visit.
'I guess you were expecting me, he said.
'No, who are you?' said the father.
The minister told him his name and then remarked,
'I saw the empty chair and I figured you knew I was going to show up.'
'Oh yeah, the chair,' said the bedridden man.
'Would you mind closing the door?'
'I have never told anyone this, not even my daughter,' said the man.
At church I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer, but it went right over my head.
'I abandoned any attempt at prayer,' the old man continued,
' until one day four years ago, my best friend said to me,
'Johnny, prayer is just a simple matter of having a conversation with Jesus.
Here is what I suggest.
'Sit down in a chair; place an empty chair in front of you, and in faith see Jesus on the chair.
It's not spooky because he promised,
'I will be with you always'.
'Then just speak to him in the same way you're doing with me right now.
''So, I tried it and I've liked it so much that I do it a couple of hours every day.
I'm careful though. If my daughter saw me talking to an empty chair, she'd either have a nervous breakdown or send me off to the funny farm.
' The minister was deeply moved by the story and encouraged the old man to continue on the journey.
Then he prayed with him, anointed him with oil, and returned to the church.
Two nights later the daughter called to tell the minister that her daddy had died that afternoon. Did he die in peace?' he asked.
Yes, when I left the house about two o'clock, he called me over to his bedside, told me he loved me and kissed me on the cheek.
When I got back from the store an hour later I found him .
But there was something strange about his death.
Apparently, just before Daddy died, he leaned over and rested his head on the chair beside the bed. What do you make of that?
'The minister wiped a tear from his eye and said, 'I wish we could all go like that.
Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive.
I asked God for water, He gave me an ocean.
I asked God for a flower, He gave me a garden.
I asked God for a friend, He gave me all of YOU...
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.
A man's daughter had asked the local minister to come and pray with her father. When the minister arrived, he found the man lying in bed with his head propped up on two pillows.
An empty chair sat beside his bed.
The minister assumed that the old fellow had been informed of his visit.
'I guess you were expecting me, he said.
'No, who are you?' said the father.
The minister told him his name and then remarked,
'I saw the empty chair and I figured you knew I was going to show up.'
'Oh yeah, the chair,' said the bedridden man.
'Would you mind closing the door?'
'I have never told anyone this, not even my daughter,' said the man.
At church I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer, but it went right over my head.
'I abandoned any attempt at prayer,' the old man continued,
' until one day four years ago, my best friend said to me,
'Johnny, prayer is just a simple matter of having a conversation with Jesus.
Here is what I suggest.
'Sit down in a chair; place an empty chair in front of you, and in faith see Jesus on the chair.
It's not spooky because he promised,
'I will be with you always'.
'Then just speak to him in the same way you're doing with me right now.
''So, I tried it and I've liked it so much that I do it a couple of hours every day.
I'm careful though. If my daughter saw me talking to an empty chair, she'd either have a nervous breakdown or send me off to the funny farm.
' The minister was deeply moved by the story and encouraged the old man to continue on the journey.
Then he prayed with him, anointed him with oil, and returned to the church.
Two nights later the daughter called to tell the minister that her daddy had died that afternoon. Did he die in peace?' he asked.
Yes, when I left the house about two o'clock, he called me over to his bedside, told me he loved me and kissed me on the cheek.
When I got back from the store an hour later I found him .
But there was something strange about his death.
Apparently, just before Daddy died, he leaned over and rested his head on the chair beside the bed. What do you make of that?
'The minister wiped a tear from his eye and said, 'I wish we could all go like that.
Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive.
I asked God for water, He gave me an ocean.
I asked God for a flower, He gave me a garden.
I asked God for a friend, He gave me all of YOU...
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Things that are going on in Life...
Wow; ok so things are changing in our houshold. Life is great and I am loving it. The kids are doing good too. I am still a SAHM to 2 beautiful babies (as I call em') . It'll be 5 yrs. this June that Michael and I have been married. That's a milestone this day in age with the way that people take marriage to heart!!! I love Michael more today than I have ever loved him. Serenity is going to be 4 in April and is totally excited about starting school in August. She is also going to be playing Kickball this year. (to her its football) but she knows either way. We are hoping that playing the game and introducing her to new people will open her up a lil bit cause she's so shy around EVERYONE... Serenity will be seeing a specialist in April to see if she's going to need surgery for her lazy eye. Andrew is so in the terrible 2's stage right now; but hes doing really well with it I guess. He has been really growing like a weed (to me at least) lol; hes short ok! We are really working on the potty training right now and I think that I am a little more nervous than he is about it. So Life goes on here; and I hope that all is wel with you all! Lord Bless you!
Friday, February 8, 2008
Stay At Home Mommies!
Wheeeeeew~!
I have been BIZZ-EEEE! So what brings me in to blog, you ask? Well, settle in and prepare yourselves for another ranting soapbox blog!
I know you other stay-at-home Mommys know what I'm talking about when I say I HATE it when people tell me how lucky I am that I don't work. "Oh it must be nice to just stay home all day." They assume I can do whatever I want whenever I want, spend hours on trivial things, take bubble baths and daydream about random nothings. This all comes, of course, from people who do not stay at home full-time with a child. The truth is, I am lucky to be able to stay home, but DUDE am I working! I (and when I say I from now on, I'm speaking for all Mommys who traded their power suits for sweatpants) work more hours than at any job I ever had before. I work more hours than anyone with a normal job. I'm on-call 24/7, when Andrew wakes up, throughout the entire day, when he goes to bed, when he wakes up crying, when he's sick, when he's constipated, weekends, holidays, the extra 366th day we're getting in February, Daylight Savings Time, when we go to restaurants, when I'm scrounging together a peanut butter sandwich in between reading the same book for the 99th and 100th time that day.... I work. I just don't get a paycheck.
Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I get paid in smiles and milestones, sweet little memories of laughing on the floor that I know I'd never be able to make otherwise. But it is HARD! His entire development is up to me, and a reflection on me. I give him every meal he has, I teach him all the words and skills he knows, I play with him, I read to him, I clip his tiny toenails, and I love it. I also dig poop out from under his fingernails when he's taken his diaper off in the crib, wipe feces off of the rails, run to get a towel before he can play with the vomit on the floor (or on my shirt), wipe snot with my bare hand when it's all there is, smell the putrid fumes that are emitted from baby food, and keep the cat from scratching him. I've had to learn to get the jist of the show I'm watching, since I can't watch Law & Order: SVU without Elmo interrupting at some point. I can't text. I am a master at typing with one hand and keeping my kids at bay with the other. I read book after book after book after book, play random games that I can't fathom how they entertain him so much, eat late lunches, share everything I try to snack on, try to turn everything around us into a learning experience, and read some more books. Nothing is my own. I don't get to get dressed up anymore, except for church. I'd wear shorts but they are frightened by my legs ~I'm too busy to shave. The only breaks I get are for three-and-a-half hours a week when he's in the church nursery. I'm up late and early. I'm exhausted. I don't get sick days or vacations. I don't even get to pee in privacy. Nope, the second I make it in there, I'm either followed by a toddler with a book or trying to reach and swat at his hand to stop him from unravelling all of the toilet paper, all while not falling off or losing my dignity when I realize I'm reading Dr. Seuss on the pot. I find myself dancing like my kids (which let's face it, he's no Channing Tatum) to every song that comes on TV. Make-up, perfume, curling irons and nice unmentionables are a luxury. Don't even get me started on getting to eat in an actual restaurant! I mean, we are on one income now (another factor conveniently forgotten by those who look down their nose at "just staying home."). Like any mom, I've been burped on, pooped on, farted on, peed on, farted on again, puked on, bled on, then farted on. I just get it all day, everyday. My board meetings involve farm animals and my raises come in giggles. So do not be mistaken, there is nothing glamorous about what I do.
Every year a salary is figured up for what a full-time Mommy should be paid, considering all of the hours and services she provides. This past year it was announced that our hard work is worth a little over $182,000 per year. Now, I'll subtract about $30,000 for me, because I'm not a chauffer yet, but I think you see my point. I work, dangit, and I work hard. I love it, and I'm so happy and blessed to be able to be home with my kids, but it's work. I won't blame you if you envy me, because I have the best co-workers you can get and the benefits are unmatched elsewhere. My dress code is awesome and I don't really have deadlines. I graduated highschool, and I CHOSE to be a Mommy, so it must be a pretty great job. Just don't ask me why I haven't gotten around to reading a book or folding the laundry or uploading pictures. I don't sleep all day, I don't watch TV all day, and there are no unicorns. If your mom stayed home with you, get her something extra nice for Mother's Day this year. If you stay home with your little one(s), more power to you, and hopefully you'll get a break soon! All Mommys, despite their job status, work hard. Just don't think our lives are a cakewalk if we get to stay home!
I have been BIZZ-EEEE! So what brings me in to blog, you ask? Well, settle in and prepare yourselves for another ranting soapbox blog!
I know you other stay-at-home Mommys know what I'm talking about when I say I HATE it when people tell me how lucky I am that I don't work. "Oh it must be nice to just stay home all day." They assume I can do whatever I want whenever I want, spend hours on trivial things, take bubble baths and daydream about random nothings. This all comes, of course, from people who do not stay at home full-time with a child. The truth is, I am lucky to be able to stay home, but DUDE am I working! I (and when I say I from now on, I'm speaking for all Mommys who traded their power suits for sweatpants) work more hours than at any job I ever had before. I work more hours than anyone with a normal job. I'm on-call 24/7, when Andrew wakes up, throughout the entire day, when he goes to bed, when he wakes up crying, when he's sick, when he's constipated, weekends, holidays, the extra 366th day we're getting in February, Daylight Savings Time, when we go to restaurants, when I'm scrounging together a peanut butter sandwich in between reading the same book for the 99th and 100th time that day.... I work. I just don't get a paycheck.
Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I get paid in smiles and milestones, sweet little memories of laughing on the floor that I know I'd never be able to make otherwise. But it is HARD! His entire development is up to me, and a reflection on me. I give him every meal he has, I teach him all the words and skills he knows, I play with him, I read to him, I clip his tiny toenails, and I love it. I also dig poop out from under his fingernails when he's taken his diaper off in the crib, wipe feces off of the rails, run to get a towel before he can play with the vomit on the floor (or on my shirt), wipe snot with my bare hand when it's all there is, smell the putrid fumes that are emitted from baby food, and keep the cat from scratching him. I've had to learn to get the jist of the show I'm watching, since I can't watch Law & Order: SVU without Elmo interrupting at some point. I can't text. I am a master at typing with one hand and keeping my kids at bay with the other. I read book after book after book after book, play random games that I can't fathom how they entertain him so much, eat late lunches, share everything I try to snack on, try to turn everything around us into a learning experience, and read some more books. Nothing is my own. I don't get to get dressed up anymore, except for church. I'd wear shorts but they are frightened by my legs ~I'm too busy to shave. The only breaks I get are for three-and-a-half hours a week when he's in the church nursery. I'm up late and early. I'm exhausted. I don't get sick days or vacations. I don't even get to pee in privacy. Nope, the second I make it in there, I'm either followed by a toddler with a book or trying to reach and swat at his hand to stop him from unravelling all of the toilet paper, all while not falling off or losing my dignity when I realize I'm reading Dr. Seuss on the pot. I find myself dancing like my kids (which let's face it, he's no Channing Tatum) to every song that comes on TV. Make-up, perfume, curling irons and nice unmentionables are a luxury. Don't even get me started on getting to eat in an actual restaurant! I mean, we are on one income now (another factor conveniently forgotten by those who look down their nose at "just staying home."). Like any mom, I've been burped on, pooped on, farted on, peed on, farted on again, puked on, bled on, then farted on. I just get it all day, everyday. My board meetings involve farm animals and my raises come in giggles. So do not be mistaken, there is nothing glamorous about what I do.
Every year a salary is figured up for what a full-time Mommy should be paid, considering all of the hours and services she provides. This past year it was announced that our hard work is worth a little over $182,000 per year. Now, I'll subtract about $30,000 for me, because I'm not a chauffer yet, but I think you see my point. I work, dangit, and I work hard. I love it, and I'm so happy and blessed to be able to be home with my kids, but it's work. I won't blame you if you envy me, because I have the best co-workers you can get and the benefits are unmatched elsewhere. My dress code is awesome and I don't really have deadlines. I graduated highschool, and I CHOSE to be a Mommy, so it must be a pretty great job. Just don't ask me why I haven't gotten around to reading a book or folding the laundry or uploading pictures. I don't sleep all day, I don't watch TV all day, and there are no unicorns. If your mom stayed home with you, get her something extra nice for Mother's Day this year. If you stay home with your little one(s), more power to you, and hopefully you'll get a break soon! All Mommys, despite their job status, work hard. Just don't think our lives are a cakewalk if we get to stay home!
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
New Years Goal
A new year and a new dawn! A new day I guess that I should say! I am hoping and praying that this will be the year that I make a change. There are so many things that I can change about myself, but I guess that the thing that I would like to change the most is the fact that I have a bad mouth on me and that I need to watch what I say and how I say it. Also I NEED, need, need to lose weight!!! I am so sick of looking at myself in the mirror and thinking that I am beautiful but then knowing that I am fat and no one wants to look at me the way that I should be looked at. I used to be a lot smaller than I am now! I know that I can lose the weight; its just the fact of going about and doing it...! I need to get on with my life and realize that I need to get with the program and lose it! I am determined to make this a new day and create a new outlook on life. My prayer is that I will have the strength to continue on in the goal of losing weight and that my words will be few and strong enough to get me through it all. Lord help me to choose my words and to not be so hard on myself at times. I love you and I put my trust in you completely...! Thankyou!
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