Hanging out with the Kids!

Having a good day today! The pain I've been having is in association with what I've been diagnosed with and I can say it isn't very pleasant but today was a good day I'd say all in all. 

I'm sure I'll have worse days than most but I'm glad today was a good day! :) 

I'm sitting outside right now while my kiddos swim. Tomorrow Serenity has a swim day at the local pool that all the 3rd graders are going to and in order to jump off the diving board she has to be able to pass a swim test. Which isn't a problem but she wanted to practice. Kids are enjoying themselves so all in all I'm happy! I'm just trying to keep my mind off things and hope that my mind doesn't wander and go back to what's really been bothering me! I have no control over any of this and I need to stay positive for my family! 

Hate can be a strong word...

I know that hate is a strong word.... but I have a few things that I feel I need to get off my chest!

I hate that my parents had us live the way that they did.
I hate that they cared so much more for themselves than they did for us as kids.
I hate that we had to rely on perfect strangers to take us in and raise us for the majority of our lives.
I hate that because of the decisions that they made we had to live in constant fear and depression wondering what was going to happen next.

Because of these things I was seperated from the people I loved so much. I was moved from my home state and told that I wouldnt be able to come back. I was never treated fairly and I had no say in where I went or whom I went with. Because of the decisions of my parents I no longer have a relationship with one and the other one is no longer here to have a relationship with.
I don't have a relationship with my dad... Have no desire to actually because all he knows how to do is use and abuse people. I don't have a relationship with my one and only sibling because my family has found a way to ruin that as well. She for some reason has some kind of resentment towards me and won't tell me why and I don't think she really even knows herself ... its all drama with her. Honestly I'm happier and better off not having relationships with my natural family because all it seems to ever be is drama and stress. I try so hard not to have those specific things in my life. There's really no room for it.
Time will go on and I'll make friends and I have a step mom (no longer married to my father) that I consider my family! I also have family on my husbands side that I'm close to.
It's a strange and confusing situation that I'm sure sometimes I don't even understand at times myself.

Recital Pictures

Dance pictures were today at the studio and I have to say I'm super excited to see how they turn out. All the girls looked so pretty and had their hair and makeup done. It's going to be a very good recital this year. Looking forward to it very much. With all that I've found out the past few days I hope I'm here to see it all take place and enjoy it. I'm praying everything goes well and we can all attend and it all go as planned. 

Today went by slow at first but then spun into overdrive with all the pictures being taken at the studio. I loved every minute of it and it kept my mind off other things that have been going on. 

Life's about to spin out of control and I just want to keep my feet planted!! 

People of the past

 

I'm looking forward to the best and brightest future possible for me and my family!

The past few days have shown me that taking negative people and drama out of my life will do wonders. Things have already started to look up.

In no way do I wish harm or negativity towards people who are no longer in my life... If anything I wish them all the best and that's the only thing that I wish... is that things turn out well for you and your family! I can't say that I am happy about the situation, but maybe it is for the best. We have never been close, but I don't blame anyone else for that but my parents because of the nature that we were raised and brought up in. That is something that is not and was never in our control.  Do I think that we could have tried harder to work things out, YES but not everything always works out the way that we want it to and maybe that's Gods plan.

 

Got some bad news yesterday and I'm pretty scared about it and to tell you the truth I'm down right horrified... as to how its going to turn out...who knows?? The only person that I can talk to about it lives over 14,000 miles away and texting/phone calls are just not the same. I am learning to live with it, but its going to be hard as hell... I'm SCARED!!

 

I will not let the past control who I am and the people of my past control who I become!

 

Rearranging

God rearranges things in your life when He alone knows what's best for us. Obviously I feel that's what He is doing. I know He's on my side and it feels good to know that! I'm happy now that I don't have to worry about the jealousy that came with being friends with certain people. Friendship means more to me obviously than it does to others... or so it seems. I don't need people that use me and talk about me behind my back in my life. Those aren't real friends, Never were; never have been.

It makes me excited that God has bigger plans for my life. I'm just sorry that it took me this long to let Him take control!

I have good friends that appreciate me and LOVE me and I don't want to lose those friendships. I will bend over backwards for my friends! I will do what I can, when I can. I try my hardest and that's all I know how to do! I will give you the shirt off my back and I will lay down my life for the few friends that I have! Good friends are hard to come by and I count and consider myself very blessed to have the friends that I do have!

 

 

Life Is Moving Fast...

Life is moving faster than I expected it seems and I can honestly say that I am happier now than I was a few years ago. Its hard to believe that I have been married almost 10 years in June and that my oldest child just turned 9 and my youngest 7. Time goes by so fast when you are having fun and things are really taking shape and going well. My life is changing... especially recently and I think its God's way of saying/telling me to MOVE ON! Sometimes He brings people into your life to help you learn from mistakes and to grow... Obviously He has a sense of humor! lol

I am who I am and I can't help it if you can't handle that! I live my life to please GOD not others! I will not make the same mistake twice that's for sure! I'm tired of having relationships with people who bring me nothing but drama and turmoil! I will not have myself, my family, or my kids around people like that!