Hard to Admit!

Wow! I guess that I never realized how some things from my past have hurt me so much. I try hard not to show it and I try to keep it all bottled up inside, but sometimes things need to come out and be said or referenced to. I will never understand how my so called parents went through life thinking that they could treat their children the way that they did and my dad still does. I will never understand why or how someone could have children and mistreat them the way that they do. I have learned to deal with it and move on, but honestly today I have been in a mood thinking about all the things that I missed out on or the fact that I had to grow up a lot faster than most children do.
I was always told that I was no good and that I would never amount to anything... after a while when your young you start to believe what you are being told. I will never have a good relationship with my dad, my mom has passed away and I will never have that closure that I really needed in life. I will never have a good relationship with my one and only sister because we have both been so mistreated and abused that we can not get over the hurt and pain that comes along with it all. I have tried time and time again to reach out and make an effort. I don't know how she feels and she doesn't understand how I feel either. It doesn't matter how long we talk about it or what is said it never gets through either one of us. All I can do is pray and hope that whatever the outcome that I will be OK in the end. I can no longer look at it as it being my fault. I can no longer blame myself and I can no longer take the abuse from others.
I love my sister and my dad... they are my family. I am stuck with them regardless. I will forever LOVE them and need them in my life, but I have to take care of me and mine!
I don't know what to do anymore!